this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
