What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
And then my night got REAL pukey
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