Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
