is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
