You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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