Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
