we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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