My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
