matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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