I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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