dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
