the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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