I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
