so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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