I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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