oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
