i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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