Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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