It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i now understand why vodka
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
