sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
