Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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