No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
