i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
