Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
