I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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