I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
