I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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