If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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