dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
