my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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