last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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