I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just pee around me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
