watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
don't judge my taste in strippers
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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