My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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