No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
