I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
