this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
how does that bad decision feel?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
