go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
