i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
