just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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