just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
