i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
