She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
