Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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