if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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