I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
