I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
