The maid of honor just puked.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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