the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We had sex on a dog bed..
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
