walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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