dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
