I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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