we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
